I don’t usually post here explicitly about my porn/online RP and masturbation addiction, but this one, I thought, merited sharing.
I’m having real trouble with this one sexual image that keeps coming back since yesterday that’s arousing me a lot. It’s with my wife, and I don’t think it’s necessarily bad or sinful in itself (though it’s unusual, and I’m not sure I would actually like it in real life, but I digress) and I’m just having an unusually difficult time pushing it out if my mind.
What’s good, and encouraging, is that I’m not experiencing an urge in the way we talk about them, and the way I experienced them before I rebooted. For one, I’ve got zero desire to go to porn to deal with it. Even better, though, is that it’s not a need, and drive. It’s “if I could just O, this pressure would all be gone. That would be easier. This is frustrating.” That’s the big thing. It’s harder, and I’m frustrated, but I don’t need to fight it. It’s not “I can’t to stop myself.” The desire is *really* strong, but it’s just a desire and nothing more.
So ultimately, this is a great experience now that I talk it out.