Every day without you is painful. They have joys and sorrows like other days. I feel happy and sad and frustrated and every other ordinary emotion in its proper time, but throughout it I am in pain. I do not despair; I keep hope. Hope is hidden at times, but it is never gone. Under it, behind it, before it, and through it I am in pain. I suffer. Not a moment goes by without this suffering.
I do not want sympathy. My sorrow and pain have transformed and are transforming me. My suffering has been and will be of great value to me. I am thankful for it. I still will welcome its end, and embarking on new trials. If this trial will abide the rest of my life, much good will come if it, and that is the reality I will live, though I pray that is not my lot.
I am frightened.
Do you want me to say I need you?