Suicidal ideation. The real kind this time, not the intrusive kind. I hurt that much today, that it makes me want to stop feeling. Not really. It’s not a real desire. If you’ve lived it, you know what I mean. Don’t worry about me hurting myself; I won’t. But I want to, even though I don’t. I don’t know how to describe it. It hurts. So much. So damn much.