Little bit Tough Today

I’m having a tough time keeping my optimism today – or maybe with remembering/accepting/not hating that I don’t have control over the current situation.  I’m trying to keep remembering how powerful prayer is.  It has always been in my life, and I am so infinitely pissed at myself for not remembering that months and months ago, but you can’t change the past.

All I can do is keep working on me, and keep praying and praying and praying some more.  I have to hope God’s will, and someone else’s (since God doesn’t violate free will) somehow align with what I’m hoping and praying for.  So much is working against me, and for so long that was me.  Everything is tanking, because of me, and now that it is I have (it’s taken 2+ months!) figured out it was me, and my fault, and that the other person is completely right.  I just wish I figured that out 10 months ago.  They don’t want to hear from me, so I can’t even tell them.  I have no power over the situation, but now I see that I never did.  If only I’d seen that before…  If only, if only, if only…


I'm getting verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. Here, I'll give you a topic...

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