To the person that read “Worst Day in a Long Time” Two Years Ago, and Tried to Help Me.

Source: Worst Day in a Long Time

Someone read that post, who I hadn’t wanted to have read this blog.  I had wanted it to be my anonymous vent to the internet.  That person just tried to support me, and show me I was loved, and wanted to do whatever they could to help.  I reacted by being angry, or feeling like my privacy had been violated.  I hadn’t said “hey don’t read this thing I publish openly on the internet, because I want it to be my place to vent into nowhere.”  I also knew that they knew about the blog.  So, really, my privacy was not violated at all.  I’ve regretted my reaction for a long time.  It made me pretty much stop using this blog, and writing it had REALLY REALLY been helping me.  For a long time, I’ve regretted my reaction, and that decision.  If that person is reading, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I responded to your love and concern with anger, and indignation.  I’m sorry I shut myself off.  I was scared, and didn’t know as much about myself, and my depression, and everything else, as I do now.  I was confused and indefinably upset.  I regret it.  I have consciously regretted it for perhaps a year.  If you’re reading, thank you.  Thank you for helping me.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for everything you’ve ever given of yourself to me.

I’m going to use this blog again, and whatever I write here is for anyone to read.  Including you.  Maybe especially you.  I hope you do.  I hope I can give you what you tried to give me.

I want to help you the ways you need, and give you the things you need, even when they’re not what I wish you needed.

I just hope beyond hope I still have that chance.

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