I have an amazing Memory

I remember things in tremendous detail.  I can exactly recall brilliant landscapes and vistas.  I remember the exact words people use.  I remember things I’ve done in every, minute detail.  And that means I remember every embarrassing thing I’ve done or said.  Some days I remember a specific event, for no reason.  Something someone did to me.  Something someone said.  Or something I said, or did to someone else.  Something that humiliated me then, or something that is humiliating to think about now.  And because I remember it so perfectly, and so vividly, it eats at me.  It eats at me like it just happened.

I also remember conversations exactly how they happened, and I know when someone is claiming things were said that weren’t, or claiming things weren’t said that were.  And I know when people didn’t remember things that were important – at least important to me.  It can get infuriating and demoralizing.

So some days, at any time, for no reason, I re-live the worst moments of my life.  A few seconds of today was like that, and it consumed several hours after that.  But I have this amazing memory, and so I can remember something else instead.  I can remember I’m strong, and I can remember what I’ve conquered on the way to being who, and where, I am. And I know it’s better now than it was then.  And then it’s ok, and I can be amazing again.

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